Something Changed Capital Steez

By LindaAnn LoSchiavo

Digital illustration by Conrad Bradford for "Past Tense: Poems and Portraits of Suicides" by LindaAnn LoSchiavo

"I know that something changed before the money came"
― from "Emotionless Thoughts" by Capital Steez

He hoed imagination, hoped to find
Fresh keys to musical muscle inside.
Inventing beats, releasing "Yellow Tape,"
Desires to seed a hip-hop group took shape.

With clever conspiracies of couplets
He shot-gunned verbs and blew nouns like trumpets.
Reborn as Capital Steez, making plans,
He joined Joey Badass who loved to jam.

When Joey scored his first management deal,
Steez thought Pro-Era could flaunt new appeal.
But producers favored Joey instead.
As Steez faced cold truths, these filled him with dread.

He felt disrespected. Fame played him wrong.
Marijuana whispered, cloaked in a bong.
Becoming reclusive, his dreams grew dark.
Rastafarianism fueled red sparks.

Now stranger ideas were gifted with height.
Planets recognized his neon insights.
Thoughts shimmered. Familiar notions skewed odd.
Friends were alarmed when he swore he was God.

His Mom worried, "What’s happened to my son?"
He’d become suspicious of everyone.
Xmas Eve bitterness made him ascend
To a rooftop where he proclaimed, "The End."

When darkness possessed him, death was a duty.
Sidewalks wept from the weight of such beauty.

― ―
Courtney Everald "Jamal" Dewar, Jr. (July 7, 1993 – December 24, 2012), better known by his stage name Capital Steez, jumped to his death from the roof of his manager’s headquarters, Cinematic Music Group, then located at 40 West 23rd Street in Manhattan.

Suicide Note: he texted friends "The End" but left no other note.